It's that time of the Huge Life Change graph where I get up at nights with nightmares. Unlike my younger self though, I find myself calmly waking up, resigning myself to the fact that immediate sleep is perhaps not possible.

Like a patient parent, I wear the feeling of exhaustion and loneliness out. I chat with friends back in India, read a little, watch some funny things on YouTube. I let the ill-feeling do its thing in the background and eventually pass out.

I know this is only transition. It's been two months almost that I haven't seen a familiar face or place. While I don't exactly miss people, I do acknowledge the ease of their presence in my life so far. So much of our daily lives is securely and comfortably padded by the people in our lives.

A study found out a couple of years ago that the butterfly that metamorphosizes from a caterpillar, still remembers it was one, in another life.

But otherwise, most other times, in my waking life, you must understand, I am one or the other form of happy.

Filtering

Moving all the way across the world and living alone makes for a very effective sieve for your friendships. The ones who matter pass through your laziness filter and you drag yourself up to reply to comments/emails/pings and then email/ping/comment/call some yourself. The rest just tend to collect in the sieve -- not entirely useless -- because if you look at it, the tea powder isn't ever meant to be a part of the drink, but it is irreplaceable. Just temporary.